What I'm Not Rushing to Fill

A couple nights ago I had a dream I actually remembered, which almost never happens for me. I was pregnant, surrounded by other pregnant women, and one by one I watched them have their babies. Mine would not come. I kept pushing, kept trying, kept analyzing why it wasn't happening, and somewhere in the dream I got the sense...it just wasn't time yet.

I've never actually been pregnant, so the vividness of it surprised me maybe it was borrowed imagery from a movie or someone else's story tucked somewhere in my mind, though it didn't feel random. It felt like more than that.

I woke up still holding the frustration of it, and almost immediately my mind went to someone I know, wondering if maybe it was her energy I was picking up, not mine, which then had me wondering...was that an actual intuitive hit? Or was some part of me protecting myself from the more uncomfortable interpretation, that the dream was about me?

I still don't fully know. AND I've decided that's allowed.

Here's what's true. This year has already asked me to close some significant chapters. Jacquie and I ended our Spiritual Evolution group after four and a half years. In January, a role that mattered to me came to an end, one that shifted the ground under me more than I expected.

All of that release led somewhere. For the first time ever, I am stepping fully into my own business.

That should feel like pure celebration, and some days it does, but it's also a lot. Visibility, systems, marketing myself...all the pieces that used to have some structure or support around them now sit fully on me. Now that summer has arrived, with its slower pace, more vacations, more quiet, instead of feeling relief, I feel restless.

I keep catching myself thinking I'm not doing enough. Not visible enough. Not moving fast enough to "get out there."

Under that restlessness, if I'm honest, is control. I don't have much of it right now, and that's unnerving for someone who likes to know the plan.

That dream keeps circling back to me. Pushing didn't make the baby come. Trying to analyze my way into readiness didn't either. The only thing that was true in the dream was...it wasn't time yet.

I also know something bigger is stirring collectively right now. Chiron recently moved into Taurus, and Taurus is the sign of security, self-worth, and the steady ground beneath us. Chiron's shift there feels like an invitation for all of us to look honestly at the beliefs shaping how we value ourselves, especially where we've confused our worth with our output. Maybe that's part of why this dream landed so clearly for me right now.

So, here's what I'm choosing, at least for now. I'm not rushing to fill the space these endings created. I'm not forcing visibility before I have the systems to hold what it brings. I'm letting this be a gestation season instead of a failure to launch.

If you're in a similar place...an ending that opened a door you're not sure how to walk through yet...I'd ask you the same question I'm sitting with:

What if it's not that you're behind? What if it's just not time yet?