They Noticed Before I Said a Word

I got back from Florida a couple weeks ago from my niece's wedding. The whole trip was centered around their wedding, cuz now I know who would go to Florida in August!! It was a great trip and it was steamy...both can be true! I had the honor of officiating...standing there as the water and sand lapped at my feet…celebrating them and this important moment for them both.

My sister, my husband, and I all stayed together in the same Airbnb to help save some money. Because we were together like that, they got to see my actual daily rhythm. I was on my computer briefly a couple of times, but it was so brief neither of them even noticed.

On two separate occasions, not even together, they each mentioned the same thing to me. They said they didn't see me working. Not the way I usually do, anyway.

Here's the thing tho. I did clear my schedule on purpose before the trip. This wasn't an accident that fell into my lap. I decided ahead of time that I wanted to be present, no half-in-half-out version of me hovering near a laptop. And this year, I also don't have the pressure of "all the doing" I used to carry before...so there was simply less pulling at me to override that decision in the first place.

What got me was that the intention actually held. Not just in my own head, where I could tell myself it worked. In front of two people who know my normal patterns well enough to notice when they're missing.

This is the difference between discipline and devotion. I wasn't powering through it or checking myself against some rule. I was devoted to being present for my entire family at those moments...for my niece, for my sister floating in the pool with me in the mornings, for my husband on our "sweaty" walks. Staying off my computer wasn't a rule I followed. It just happened because I was being devoted to something.

I don't think presence is something you can force your way into. I think it's something you clear space for, on purpose, and then trust yourself enough to embrace it when the moment comes.

I keep thinking about what actually made this different from every other trip where I've said "I'll try to unplug" and failed usually after day one.

It wasn't willpower. It was that I decided ahead of time, specifically, what I was clearing space for...not just "less work," but presence for my entire family. Vague intentions are easy to override. Specific ones are harder to talk yourself out of.

So if you're heading into something...a trip, a weekend, even just tomorrow...where you keep meaning to be more present and keep finding yourself pulled back into old patterns anyway, I'd ask you the same question I'm asking myself now: what, specifically, are you actually trying to be present for? Not "less distracted" in general. The actual person, the actual moment, the actual thing you'd regret half-showing-up for.

And once you know that answer, the harder question: what would you need to clear, on purpose, ahead of time, to actually honor it?

I didn't get this right by accident. I got it right because I set the intention and honored it.